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How to Get Adult Kids to Pay Their Share - How
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Ask for all-family 
hous
ehold 
duties. No single person is
responsible
in a household for taking on all the chores. Everybody who is there must lift their weight to help keep the house in great shape. Allocate cleaningk gardening, shopping, pet feeding, mending/repair and general chores to every family member able to perform tasks. It is probably also a good idea to throw in cooking at least two meals a week as part of the deal. Write all of this up as a weekly schedule and pin it up where everyone can see it. Make it clear that getting out of a task means negotiating with another family member rather than just not doing it.
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Expect some resistance and respond with good, hard facts. If your adult children have been living it easy, they might complain. Be ready for this, armed with visual evidence of the costs for living away from home. This takes step one a little further; rather than just explaining, you are demonstrating clearly where the costs come from. Show them how much average rents are in your area, show them the grocery bills for an average shop, the electricity costs for an average home, and the costs of things such as fuel, mortgage repayments and rates. Their awareness will soon increase, and even if they still feel resentful, they will realize that their situation is a good one.
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Overcome guilt. If one or more of your adult children is living with you, it's probably because you want to help them; perhaps they've hit a rough patch, and more than likely, you enjoy having them nearby. You might feel guilty when you demand contributions, especially if you see your child as being in a difficult position. When this happens, keep the following in mind:
- Sheltering your adult children from the harsh reality of life isn't helping them. Your job as a parent is to teach them how to become independent adults who can survive and thrive on their own.[1] Having them pull their own weight in your home will teach them that there's no such thing as a free lunch. It's better for them to learn responsibility from you, than from a boss firing them or a spouse divorcing them.
- You're not the only one struggling with these issues. Children who come back home as adults are called "mammoni", or "mama's boys" in Italy; "parasaito shinguru", or "parasite singles" in Japan; "boomerangs" or "twixters" in the US; "KIPPERS" (short for "kids in parents' pockets eroding retirement savings") in the UK; and "Hotel Mama" in Germany. There are parents across the world who will identify with your struggle to give tough love.
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Be grateful. When your adult children do start contributing more, let them know how much you appreciate their contribution to the household and family and thank them. And sometimes, you may need to give them some slack during periods of redundancy, or saving for a big-ticket item such as travel, etc. You'll be able to judge this as the occasions arise.
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